


Once Loved, Never Forgotten

by cassie5squared



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Azkaban, Drama, Family Drama, Family Feels, Gen, Grimmauld Place, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-16 17:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5834950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassie5squared/pseuds/cassie5squared
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tonks has a lot to deal with when it comes to her family history, but there's one person she's never really been able to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Azkaban

**Author's Note:**

> This plotbunny bubbled up out of old chatlogs with a very lovely friend who has been my inspirational Sirius Black muse for nearly a year.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonks (DON’T call her Nymphadora), now a trainee Auror, is taken along to become familiar with the infamous prison of Azkaban. Given her family history, things don’t go quite as smoothly as they should.

**June 1992**

Tonks shivered as the little group approached the towering fortress. She’d been warned that this was one of the more unpleasant aspects of the job, but nothing could really prepare her - or anyone, really - for the chill that stole over her as they landed on the island of Azkaban. The Dementors hovered nearby, watching from the shelter of the deep hoods that hid their faces. Several of her companions were already pale and seemed slightly ill, and the nineteen-year-old wasn’t entirely convinced she looked much better.

Out of sheer stubbornness, and as a defiant response to the miserable grey surroundings, Tonks concentrated for a moment and turned her hair canary-yellow. A few muffled giggles came from her fellow trainees, and Mad-Eye Moody turned with a scowl to see what was going on. When his eyes landed on her, the scowl deepened slightly, and she gave him an impish smile.

“Just you behave yourself,” he growled, though she could have sworn he was about to smile back for a moment before he turned and stumped off towards the doors. “Right! Split up, one trainee to each experienced Auror, and don’t leave each other’s side for a moment. Everyone gets a complete tour so you know what to expect if you’re ever here again. Get to it. Tonks, come here, I’ll mind you.”

“Why me?” she asked brightly, heading over to join him anyway.

“‘Cos you need the most watching,” he said grumpily, and she stifled a grin. It had been blatantly obvious from the start that he had a soft spot for her - quite possibly because she was the only trainee who wasn’t petrified of him - and teasing him might just help ward off the numb misery that was already beginning to seep in just from being in Azkaban.

“Well, watch away,” she said brightly. “I’ll pay attention, promise.”

“You’d better,” he grunted, and set off.

It wasn’t a pleasant experience, and not even her usually sunny attitude lasted long against the bitter cold and sheer anguish that soaked the very air of the prison. After a while, she just tugged her cloak tightly around herself and tried not to listen to the quiet mutters and desperate cries coming from the cells.

Moody stopped outside a heavy set of double doors, bringing her up short. “High-security area,” he said. “I won’t hold it against you if you’d rather skip it.”

His tone was almost sympathetic, and she knew why. A chill ran down her back that had nothing to do with the temperature. The high-security area held some of the most dangerous Dark witches and wizards ever to have been caught… including her own aunt, Bellatrix Lestrange, who had more than once made it clear that she thought Tonks and her parents were an embarrassment to be wiped off the wizarding world. No doubt Mad-Eye was worried about what might happen if they saw and recognised each other.

But she wasn’t scared, not really. It wasn’t like Bellatrix could _hurt_ her.

“I’ll be fine,” she said stubbornly. “I need to be familiar with this bit too, right?”

His lopsided mouth twitched into what might have been an appreciative smile, and he led her through the door.

It didn’t seem any different from the rest of the prison, apart from more Dementors in evidence. A few voices were raised in angry insults as the two Aurors passed, but nothing particularly out of the ordinary happened for a while, and Tonks grew brave enough to look into some of the cells.

A woman with a mass of dark, unkempt hair crouched alone in one cell, her eyes the only bright thing about her. She met Tonks’ eyes, and the young girl stopped dead. For one terrible second she thought it was her own mother staring back at her, and the sheer horror held her there just a moment too long.

By the time she realised who it was, the woman had sprung to her feet and all but hurled herself at the bars, and enraged screams filled the corridor as she clawed at the air, trying to reach Tonks.

“YOU COME HERE TO MOCK ME, YOU FILTH, YOU BLOOD-TRAITOR’S BRAT, YOU DARE TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE! SPAWN OF A MUDBLOOD, HUMILIATION -”

“ _That’s quite enough_!”

There was a bang, and Bellatrix was flung back to collapse on her mattress, silenced instantly. She threw her head back almost proudly, her eyes blazing with hatred, but did not attempt to say anything more. Belatedly, Tonks realised Mad-Eye had rejoined her and was glaring back at Bellatrix with open dislike, his wand levelled at her. He didn’t linger, however, choosing instead to nudge Tonks down the passageway and away from the cell.

“You all right?” he said gruffly after a few moments, and she realised she was shaking. The sudden violence of the encounter had been more than she was prepared for. But there was clear concern in his face as she looked up at him, and she pulled herself together in an effort not to let him down.

“Yeah,” she said after a moment, trying to sound confident. “I’m fine, honest. She was just… noisy.”

“Wouldn’t advise you to hang around her if you come back,” he agreed. “You handled it well enough, though I didn’t expect you to stop and bloody stare.”

She bit her lip. “I just caught sight of her face,” she admitted. “For a moment I thought she was my mum.”

His magical eye rolled back in his head towards Bellatrix’s cell, and he sighed. “I’d heard about that. Should’ve warned you, really. Still - your mother’s at home where she belongs, I can promise you that.”

She nodded. It was his way of offering an apology, and she appreciated it.

Falling in a step behind him, she carried on up the corridor for a little while. There was a clink from another cell, on her left, and she paused with a frown. She’d thought it was empty. Mad-Eye carried on, unaware that she’d stopped to take a look, until a hoarse cough from the room’s inhabitant caught his attention and he turned back to see what was going on. The man in the cell raised his head slowly, the matted tangle of dark hair parting to reveal his face.

Tonks froze.

Thin, wasted, and apathetic though he was, she knew him. Azkaban had taken the spark from his eyes and the smile from his lips, but nothing could completely erase the face she’d known so well as a child.

 _Sirius_.

They said that he’d handed over his best friend to You-Know-Who, that he’d personally murdered another friend and twelve innocent Muggles when he was cornered, and then laughed at what he’d done as he was arrested.

She’d never believed it. The laughing young man who’d spoiled her and teased her and always had time for her, who’d made her mother light up and smile even on the most unhappy days, and who’d never been anything but utterly devoted to his friends, just didn’t match up with the image of a deranged killer that had been plastered all over the news. Andromeda hadn’t believed it either, insisting that if he’d even been involved at all he couldn’t have been in his right mind, and wasn’t responsible for his actions. It hadn’t swayed the Ministry despite her attempted campaign, but it was all the little family had to hold to.

“Tonks,” said Mad-Eye quietly, but she ignored him, staring at the ragged, broken man in front of her. Did he even recognise her, or was he so far gone that he had no memory left of his family?

She crouched down to his eye level, and with a kind of vague curiosity he met her gaze. She felt like crying, but somehow - with great effort - she managed to concentrate enough to change her hair from yellow to the shade of bubblegum pink she’d favoured even as a child.

There was a flicker of - interest? - in those hollow grey eyes, and he sat up a little straighter, but still he didn’t say a word. Maybe he didn’t know her, and it was just the hair-changing trick that had caught his attention. It had to be one of the few bright colours he’d seen in over a decade.

“We need to carry on,” Mad-Eye said firmly, and she jumped, straightening reluctantly.

“Okay,” she croaked, but as she took a step she stumbled and nearly fell. “Arse - sorry - my lace’s undone. Go on, I’ll be there in a second.”

He gave her a sceptical look, but stumped off as she hunched back down to refasten the lace. She darted a glance at the cell again. Sirius was still watching her intently, and her jaw tightened. Guilty or not, he shouldn’t be kept in the cold like this!

Easing her wand out of her pocket, she checked up and down the corridor and pointed her wand at him, breathing the words of a spell one of her older colleagues had taught her. The old Gaelic charm would make its target’s clothes give off warmth as though they’d been hanging in front of a fire, and the best part was it would last for _hours_.

Sirius’s eyes widened as the spell touched him, but the warmth that surrounded him a moment later caused a startling change in his expression. He met her gaze squarely, and the light of recognition in his eyes combined with the surprised and delighted smile was like a glimpse back across eleven years to the man she’d known and adored.

He nodded to her, with a look of gratitude and even pride, and she smiled, blinking back tears. He knew her. He really did know, and he understood she did too.

“TONKS!”

Mad-Eye’s bellow thoroughly shattered the moment. She yelped, scrambled up and nearly fell again. “Coming!” she squeaked, and with one last regretful look at her cousin she took off like a rocket.

Luckily her mentor refrained from asking what she’d been doing; she didn’t think he’d react too well to the news that she’d been casting spells on the inmates. Then again, he’d clearly known who she was looking at; maybe it’d been his way of giving her some sort of closure.

It was going to be tricky avoiding the conversation with Mum, she decided later as they finally left, several of the trainees who hadn’t been able to cope sobbing quietly. Andromeda generally asked what the day’s training had been like, and as a general rule Tonks told her everything. But this wasn’t something she really wanted to discuss, given how much painful history was tied up with it.

Maybe she’d just talk to Dad instead. He was good at listening, and she needed to tell someone about what she’d seen.

Full of miserable thoughts, she sat quietly and let the journey home roll by in silence.


	2. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark and dangerous times lie ahead, after the horrific end to the Triwizard Tournament. Tonks, now a fully-fledged Auror, is brought into the fold of the Order of the Phoenix, and there's a surprise in store for her at Headquarters...

“Tonks, you busy?”

She looked up from the pile of parchment on her desk, and her lime-green fringe flopped in her eyes. Brushing it away, she gave the dark-skinned wizard leaning on the wall of her cubicle a smile. “Not really. Just going through a couple of reports. Why?”

“I thought you might like to get some lunch,” he said idly, rubbing the back of his neck in the way that generally meant _I want to be out of the roomful of nosy colleagues for a bit_. “And have a chat, maybe.”

“Sounds better than sitting here.” She bounced out of her seat and grabbed her bag, heading for the door with him at once. Kingsley was one of her favourite co-workers, partly because he didn’t talk down to her the way some of the older Aurors did. She’d only been qualified a year, but that didn’t mean she was a kid. Admittedly the constant T-shirts and jeans and the daily change of hair probably didn’t help, but really, it was just brightening up the office, right?

“So what’s the occasion?” she asked as they made their way out.

“Tell you when we get there. It’s sort of private.”

“If it’s your birthday, I swear I meant to ask.”

He quirked a smile. “It’s not. That’s next month.”

“Well, I knew it was coming up.” She gave him an innocent look and strolled on, quite curious as to what this chat might be about.

***

By the time they got back to the office, however, she had to admit she was just a little bit shaken. Dumbledore discredited, murder in Hogwarts… Voldemort back.

And the Minister for Magic denying everything.

This was going to make Mum _freak_.

But even the thought of her mother’s reaction wasn’t enough to put her off the request Kingsley had made.

_“There’s a group of us… Dumbledore formed it last time, to fight You-Know-Who. Obviously we need to keep it underground, but every extra trustworthy hand we can get is going to be a help.” He regarded her in silence, his dark eyes holding the question they both knew needed answering: **Will you join us?**_

_It didn’t take long for her to think it over. Voldemort’s last reign of terror had taken far too much from her when she was too young to fight back. She’d be damned if she’d let him swan back in and do it again. “Count me in,” she said quietly._

_The little grin that crossed his face was almost infectious. “I knew I could rely on you,” he said warmly. “I’ll pass the news on, and then we’ll organise a meet-up for you…”_

Yeah, Mum was going to love this.

***

Two nights later, she found herself standing in a run-down little square somewhere in inner-city London, accompanied once again by Kingsley. She hadn’t been given any real details about what this meeting was meant to accomplish, but that didn’t stop her bouncing eagerly on the balls of her feet as they waited. Her companion was watching out around them, rather more on edge than usual; if any Death Eaters did try anything they’d have an unpleasant greeting.

_Clunk. Clunk. Clunk._

Tonks’ head jerked round in surprise at the familiar noise. Mad-Eye Moody had seemingly materialised out of nowhere on the far side of the square and was heading toward them with one hand in his pocket. Delighted to see him again, she gave him a broad grin, which he acknowledged with a curt nod.

“No trouble?” he asked as he reached them.

“None. I don’t think we were even followed.” Kingsley shrugged. “Shall we?”

“Sooner the better. Tonks, read this and memorise it.” Mad-Eye thrust a piece of parchment at her. She took it with a frown, noting the unfamiliar graceful handwriting. It read:

_The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at twelve, Grimmauld Place, London._

“You got that?” he hissed, and after a second read-through she nodded. He took the note back at once and incinerated it.

A few moments later, she was entering the hallway of the house that had just appeared in front of her. The place smelled old and musty and looked like nobody had been in there for years. It also looked, she decided, like several generations of very wealthy Dark wizards had lived there, and she couldn’t help wondering why the resistance movement had picked this as their headquarters.

As the door closed behind them, Kingsley murmured to her, “Don’t raise your voice, don’t go near the walls, and stay right behind me till we’re down in the kitchen.”

She nodded, feeling slightly uncertain, and did as she was told as they made their way down the hall, though having Mad-Eye behind her made her feel a bit better. There was a quiet whisper from above, and she glanced up to see a few indistinct figures duck back behind the banisters.

It was all very mysterious.

Kingsley entered the kitchen at last with an air of relief. It felt more welcoming than the rest of the house so far, with plenty of candles and far less dust, at least. The few people already gathered looked up from the parchments on the table. “All quiet,” he announced. “We’re just bringing the new recruit like I promised.”

She looked around the room with a little grin, taking in the faces both familiar and unfamiliar. Arthur Weasley was one of the ones she did know; she’d seen him passing by her cubicle fairly regularly, and the kind-looking woman beside him had to be his wife. She recognised their son, too; Bill had been a couple of years above her at Hogwarts, and she’d driven him slightly scatty in his year as Head Boy.

But all of this faded into insignificance as her eyes fell on the man at the head of the table, who was giving her a grin so familiar, so full of pride, that she felt her eyes sting.

She nearly knocked Kingsley over in her headlong rush, and flung herself into Sirius’s waiting arms as though he might get snatched away again if she hesitated too long. He met her fierce hug with surprising strength, burying his face in her hair as they clung to each other.

“Surprise,” he murmured.

She nodded slightly, not quite trusting herself to speak. There were so many things she wanted to say, apologies and explanations and joyful exclamations, that she didn’t know what would come out first if she tried to say anything. All she could do was hug him tightly and hope that said it all for now.

Judging by the way he was hugging back, it did.

A pointed cough from Mad-Eye broke them apart. Not even trying to look sheepish, she glanced over her shoulder at him. “Family reunion later, Tonks,” he said, pointing sternly to a seat. “We’ve got work to do.”

With an apologetic look at Sirius, she stepped away and sank into the seat. He rolled his eyes, and gave her a little wink and a smile as he sat down himself.

***

It had been interesting enough; she’d been introduced to some decent-seeming new people, learned more about what was at stake, and given a run-down of the main duties she was going to be expected to carry out. It would be hard work, she knew that much, especially on top of her job. And frankly, she didn’t care. This was too important, and if it meant being tired, then she’d just have to live with it.

But right now, there was something much more important for her to sort out.

Molly had invited anyone who liked to stay for dinner, and nobody was surprised in the slightest when Tonks accepted instantly. Sirius gave her a little wink and, as the meeting broke up, made his way towards the door, motioning for her to follow.

The two of them crept upstairs, through the dark, musty hall, and into a tiny old living room on the ground floor that bore all the marks of having been recently and thoroughly cleaned out. Bearing in mind the extreme caution Kingsley had shown earlier, Tonks did her very best to keep silent until the door clicked shut behind her.

There was an awkward silence for several long moments as she and Sirius watched each other, both of them vividly uncertain of how to proceed. Finally she managed, “You… look better now.”

“Hard not to, when Molly’s making sure I’m fed decently,” he replied, with a little smile.

She nodded. Another long, frozen moment passed, and then she gave in and hugged him again, trying not to break down even as the tears rolled down her face. “I’m sorry, I’m s-so sorry, I swear if I c-c-could’ve got you out I would, I didn’t m-mean to leave you there…”

“Shut up,” he said fiercely, hugging back like he’d never let go. “Stop it. I mean it. I know, okay? I know why you did it, I get it, I _do_. You couldn’t have done any more.”

“I left you in _Azkaban_.”

“If you’d tried to break me out you’d have bloody well joined me in there,” he retorted, pulling back just enough to look her in the eye. “Honestly, Dora, I’m not angry at you. It’s fine.” The use of that old nickname was enough to coax a little smile out of her, and she scrubbed at her eyes hastily with her sleeve. “Besides,” he added, with a hint of a grin himself, “got myself out, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.” Tonks couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh, more out of relief than because he’d said something funny. “I just… wish I’d done more.”

“Don’t we all? But it’s okay. I promise.”

“Liar.” She pulled away, calmer now, and leaned against the wall. “You promised you’d be okay last time we talked and look what happened.”

“Shut up,” he said fondly, ruffling her spiky red hair, and she batted his hand away with a smile. “Anyway… look at you. An Auror. I’d never have believed it.”

“I figured I’d do more good there than anywhere else I might go. It’s down to you, you know.”

“Me? Hey, I _never_ suggested you start helping enforce laws I was just going to bend anyway.”

“You got arrested.” His joking manner vanished in an instant, and she pressed on. “I never believed you’d done it. Mum told me that _she_ never believed you’d done it - or if you had, it was because the Death Eaters had done something to you and you weren’t responsible for what happened. And it wasn’t just you, it was everyone else. Frank and Alice, and Edgar, and Regulus…” She saw him wince, and sighed. “It ripped me up too, you know. I grew up with all these people disappeared from my life, and I just wanted nobody else to have to live with it. So I decided I was going to be out there on the front line stopping these nutcases. And maybe, in time, I could even figure out what’d happened and get you out.”

He bit his lip, then leaned over and squeezed her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he said simply.

“We did our best,” she said, looking up at him miserably. “We really did.”

“I don’t doubt it for a second,” he replied. “And hearing all this - it makes me feel better knowing there were people who cared all this time, even if I didn’t know it till now. I missed you too, you know. Spent all those years wondering if you hated me and wishing I could tell you what really happened and wondering if you’d even believe me -”

“And that day I came and saw you by accident?” she cut in. “Did you know it was me?”

“From the moment I saw you,” he affirmed. “I didn’t want to say anything because I was so scared you wouldn’t recognise me… or if you did, you’d just hate me.”

“Then I guess we were both scared of the same thing.” She blinked back more tears - would they ever stop? - and managed a slightly wobbly smile. “And I swear to Merlin, once this is over I’m going to tear the Ministry a new one if they don’t clear you. You’re not going back.”

“Dora, you’re an angel,” he said cheerfully, and she wrinkled her nose.

“I dunno if anyone’s told you,” she said, “but the only person who uses that name any more is Dad. It’s just Tonks now. I gave up answering to anything else.”

“…You know, I can’t honestly say I blame you,” he said after a moment’s thought. “I love your mum to bits, but she left a lot to be desired when she picked out your name. So I’m to call you Tonks as well, am I?”

She fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve. “If you don’t mind,” she muttered, avoiding his eye. She knew a bit more familiarity might help him, but at the same time she didn’t want him to start giving her that name in front of the others. “It’s just that Dora’s… kind of a baby name.”

“Tonks it is, then,” he said cheerfully, slinging his arm round her shoulders. “I think that suits you better anyway, truth be told.” There were footsteps outside, and he looked round. “I guess it’s dinner time. We’d better hurry, Molly’s lot generally eat like they’ve been starved for a week.”

“Okay.” She moved to follow him towards the door, but another thought struck her. “I - um. One more thing?”

Sirius paused, raising an eyebrow. “Sure, what is it?”

“Do you mind - I mean, am I allowed - to tell Mum the truth? About you? Or is that something I have to keep quiet about?”

His expression softened. “You tell your mum as much as you feel is safe,” he replied. “I think she deserves to know I’m not a raving murderer, though, don’t you?”

She half-smiled. “Yeah, I guess. Thanks. I just wanted to… you know, check.”

“Checking done,” he said gravely. “Now let’s go and get you fed, midget.” Her smile turned lopsided, but she fell in behind him anyway as they headed back down to the kitchen.

Her head was spinning with the enormity of it all, but only one thing mattered, and it stuck with her through the lively dinner and into her journey home.

Sirius was free, and she’d never lose him again.


End file.
